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"PUA"最近火了, 连外国妹子都来体验被撩,不过姑娘们可要小心了!
来源:新京报、Sixth Tone、Market Place、环球时报    日期: 2018-05-30

姑娘们,你们最近是不是发现和你搭讪的小伙突然智商在线、情商飙升、手段颇多?


不过在你心花怒放之前,世纪君先暗绰绰地提醒你一下:可能并不是他开窍了,而是他找到了“师傅”。


 

没错,这样的师傅就是pick-up artists,说是“撩妹大师”可能太俗了,说是“搭讪艺术家”似乎又过于刻板。但是无论哪个名字,你都能猜出他们的目的。在感情世界里,他们训练言行,指导套路,为的就是一件事:成功撩到那个“她”。


事实上,有不少人已经接触过这样的职业撩妹手段,中国的PUA甚至引发了外媒的注意,国外经济类网站MarketPlace就做了报道:


 

32岁的工程师祁东伟(音)坐在那里,满眼都是自己22岁时的样子:彼时的他正苦苦单恋着同班的她。如果可以,祁东伟课上课下都愿意和她在一起。


Qi Dongwei, a 32-year-old mechanical engineer, recalls having an excruciating crush on a classmate back in college. He said he would spend time with her before and after class.


“我们的手曾意外相碰,但我却从没尝试过去拉她的手,尽管我追了她两年了。”


“Our hands had brushed up against each other’s by accident, but I never attempted to hold her hand, not even after chasing her for two years,” Qi said.


从那时开始,他似乎就没啥女人缘,现在依然压力山大。


He has not had much luck with women since, and the pressure is on.


最新数据显示,中国男性比女性要多出3200万,专家估计每20名男性中,就有1人要打光棍。


The latest statistics showed that there are 32 million more males than females in China. Local experts estimated that nearly one in 20 men in China are likely to remain unmarried.



肿么办?他想到的对策是去找专业人士:成真。成真经营着自己的爱情学校,他和祁东伟的对话也会被记录,并且上传到网上成为成真约会建议教程的一部分——他的视频有500万的订阅用户。


Qi was so determined not to be one of them that he went to Shanghai to see dating coach Cheng Zhen, who runs what he calls a school of love. The discussion was filmed and later uploaded online as part of Cheng’s dating advice videos, which have 5 million subscribers. 


成真在一段视频中这样描述:美国情侣约会时会AA,而在中国通常是男性买单。不仅如此,女友加班,她们会希望男友订个夜宵外卖,以及在周年纪念日得到昂贵的珠宝礼物。


“When American couples go out on dates, they usually split the bill … but in China, the man usually pays for everything. Not only that, he is expected to buy take-out for his girlfriend when she is working late and get expensive jewelry for anniversary gifts,” Cheng said in the filmed interview. 

 

这里要注意一下,上面这段话是他说的,不是世纪君说的。

 


成真的情况可能是很多中国男孩子的缩影:长大后的他很为找对象的事情着急,家里并不富有,自己个子不高,身板不壮,还戴个眼镜。“我妈告诉我要吃鸡蛋和牛奶,因为已经长得难看了,再不长高点就娶不到媳妇了。”


Growing up, he himself worried about finding a girlfriend. His family wasn’t wealthy, and he was a short, skinny kid with glasses.“My mother would tell me to eat eggs and drink milk. She said I already had an ugly face, so if I didn’t grow taller, I wouldn’t be able to find a wife,” he said.


如果你感到扎心,那么你的情况可能差不多,不过成真的故事由此改变。他去了美国念大学,读了不少心理学、社会学和人文学科的书籍。


你以为这就够了?并不,秉着“实践是检验真理的唯一标准”这一理念,成真还花了大把大把的时间泡在酒吧里,观察小伙子怎样撩妹,并从中打磨自己的技巧。


At 18, Cheng was still single and desperate for a girlfriend. While he was studying in the U.S. at Iowa’s liberal arts college, Grinnell University, he pored over books on evolutionary psychology, sociology and humanities. He even spent many hours at bars to observe how men approached women until he perfected his technique.

 

而他……最终成功在大学里交到了女朋友。


“I started to talk to girls, and I would be more confident than before. It worked! I got my first girlfriend in college! I was so excited,” Cheng said.



MarketPlace的记者Jennifer还亲自实践了成真的套路。比如成真会对她说:你问问题的方式很吸引人,我都没想过你这么有见解,我希望更多的了解你。然后就是要微信,再然后就是邀请喝咖啡。


“Hey, Jennifer, the way you ask questions really intrigues me. I don’t know how you seem so insightful. I want to know more about you,” Cheng said. At this point, he said he would ask me for my WeChat, which is the most popular chat app in China. Later he would invite me for a coffee. 


这看上去平平无奇?但是真正的问题就是下一步。


 

成真表示:“在这一步,我才不会说‘天呐Jennifer,你就是我此生挚爱,我爱死你了’对吧?这么说,你肯定被吓傻了。但是很多中国男性,或者很多我的客户,都会这样做。”


“But at this point, I am not saying, ‘Oh, my God, Jennifer, you’re the love of my life. I love you.’ Right? You’d be freaked out. But a lot of Chinese men, a lot of my clients are doing that,” Cheng said.


成真认为,这样的行为可能与中国的家庭教育有关:上学的时候禁止谈恋爱,毕业后又希望马上找到另一半,但实际上男性并不知道该怎么做。


他的意思是:我教你如何变得自信,但并不是简单告诉你要自信,而是让你明白你为什么你不自信。


“What I teach is how to be confident. I am not saying ‘Be confident.’ What I am offering is, ‘Why you are not confident,’” Cheng said.


 

这样看来,PUA只是教人怎么撩妹咯?一副人畜无害的样子?只不过在真正的生活中,有些PUA走上了歪路,让人不得不防。


前几天,因涉及慰安妇不当言论,备受争议的网络红人、“情感教主”Ayawawa账号被封,同时其他有关Ayawawa的的内容,也引发了网友关注(戳这里回归)。


 

据《新京报》报道,在Ayawawa名下的社交社区“花镇”,还拥有一个号称解决男性情感问题的网络社区“泡学网”,并自称“这是男性情感社区是中国泡学文化的发源地,主流PUA集中地”。 该网站目前已无法打开。其官网此前显示,Ayawawa是泡学网“首席女性感情专家”。



而随着京报记者随着调查的深入,有关PUA触目惊心的另一面也随着浮出水面。


情感建议在中国可是个大买卖,年轻男女都面临寻找另一半的压力。但是有些PUA课程却不止于此,网友批判PUA贬低女性,宣扬情感虐待。


Relationship advice is big business in China, where both young men and women face pressure to find partners. But PUA courses have been criticized for advocating misogyny and emotional abuse.


《新京报》的一篇报道,揭开了冰山一角:用户学习“五步陷阱情感操控术”课程,即教练指导学员,如何调教女孩,也就是他们口中的猎物。


When a reporter from The Beijing News posed as a client and signed up for a course titled “Five Steps to Trap and Manipulate Emotion,” he found coaches instructing trainees how to “tame” girls — whom they referred to as “prey.”



组织者名为“享妞军团”,教授其用户用人格攻击的方式,改变对象的习惯和性格。一名教练表示,“其实这个过程和调教狗是一样的,一旦她做了违抗你意愿的事情,你就埋怨她不爱你,你甚至可以打她。”教程材料中甚至还包括教唆对象自杀,以表达情感。


The organizer, Enjoy Ladies Legion, taught clients how to change the habits and personalities of their dates by attacking their dignity. “It’s actually the same process as taming a dog,” The Beijing News quoted one coach as saying. “Once she does anything against your will, you can accuse her of not loving you … you can even beat her, you know?” The course material also included inducing dates to attempt suicide as a means of showing their affection.


(“享妞军团”导师在对学员进行视频教学指导。新京报图)


教练还告诉学员,要让对方为自己购买昂贵礼物,并且把约会对象的裸照发送到聊天群中。《新京报》报道,其课程介绍显示,一共十六章,最后几章的名称为“疯狂榨取”、“专属烙印纹身鼓励”、“宠物养成术”、“自杀鼓励”等。对此课件,教练还表示:“我的课程已经突破了道德和法律的底线”。


The coaches also told trainees how to get dates to buy them expensive presents and encouraged them to share nude photos of their dates in chat groups with the other trainees. “Some techniques introduced here violate the law, and some might even cross the baseline of law and morality,” acknowledged one coach.

 

(学员在展示从女生处“榨取”的物品。新京报图)


随着报道的披露,不少女孩子也有和疑似PUA学员约会的经历,而最终成为受到伤害的一方。


一名唐(音)姓女子接受Sixth Tone采访时表示,自己两年前上学时,被一名同系学长搭讪。两人很聊得来,并且开始约会,但是学长总会跟她刻意保持距离。“我感觉在感情中没有控制力,总感觉他要求我做一些事情,引诱我。”小唐表示。而最终,她跟学长分手,因为发现学长在社交媒体上关注了好几个PUA的账号,但是这段经历仍然对自己有深刻的影响。


One woman surnamed Tang, who did not give her full name because of privacy concerns, told Sixth Tone that when she was a student two years ago, she was approached by a senior from her faculty. She remembers him being a smooth talker, and eventually they started dating. But he would intentionally keep her at a distance. “I felt like I didn’t have control in the relationship,” she said. “I always felt that he asked me to do things, that he seduced me.” Eventually, she found out that he followed several PUA accounts on social media and broke off contact with him. She said the experience still weighs on her.


 (导师在视频教学课件中,教授学员如何去骗取女生钱财,称之为“榨取”技术。新京报图)


孔唯唯是专门反不良PUA的公益组织“小红帽”负责人,她表示:“这些PUA从不关心他们会给约会对象带来多大的伤害。”


“Those practicing PUA never care how much harm they bring to their dates,” Kong Weiwei, an activist who exposes what she sees as malicious PUA organizations, told The Beijing News.


孔唯唯说,找她求助的受害者超过上百人,很多人都遭受了心理创伤。然而,很多PUA的行为难以简单地用法律来界定,更为“情侣”关系的存在,受害人难以通过法律手段维权。


According to Kong, who has talked with over a hundred victims of PUA, many people suffer psychological trauma from their relationships. However, she said it’s difficult to pursue legal action because emotional damage is hard to prove.


(一名PUA导师通过视频教学,让学员开启“浪子模式”,以此吸引女性,展开情感操控。新京报图)


由于PUA涉嫌教唆虐待和自杀,腾讯方面已经在上周四关闭了多个账号和聊天群组。


Internet giant Tencent shut down social media accounts and chat groups belonging to a pickup artistry (PUA) organization last Thursday, following a media report that said it promoted abuse and suicide.

 

(“享妞军团”粉丝教学群均被腾讯永久封号。新京报图)


那么,姑娘们碰到这样的PUA怎么办?


孔唯唯总结了一套女性预防不良PUA的伤害的方法:遇到前,保持警惕;遇到时,保持清醒,采取智斗;遭受伤害,向亲人、朋友、政府有关部门(例如妇联)、相关社会组织求救。


所以姑娘们,多留个心眼吧!


综合来源:新京报、Sixth Tone、Market Place、环球时报





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